Riverside

What did she want me to say?

We were both sitting by the riverside, half-drunk. It was a beautiful night, no cloud, only stars shining brightly. I heard myself say: “Tonight is as beautiful as she is.” I didn’t say it out loud, but gazing at her, I knew she knew.

We had been close for more than 7 weeks now, climbing in the most secluded places of China no less than 5 times a week.

Well, and then? You can say it. Lame.

But for all that time we were barely shoving food into our mouths with all the talking going on. We couldn’t stop. Then there was some touching. And then some hugging. And then some kissing. We slept together too.

But tonight, by the side of the running water, it seems that it didn’t matter. Like it never even happened.

I let her know that I couldn’t do anything with her behavior, but she didn’t care. She didn’t even care enough to express herself.

She instead told me I was just a weepy and weak and ugly and boring fucking cunt. And that she’s gonna leave tomorrow.

No tears. No hate. No anger. Nothing.

Pure calmness, and pure frankness. Pure love, would I dare to say?

That happened less than 2 minutes ago. And now all I’m thinking while staring at her is: which part do I chop first?